Windy City Queercast
By Steven Fales | August 10, 2010
Chicago is one of my favorite cities. I love performing there because audiences are equal parts smart and heart.
I just did this podcast for Windy City Queercast for Windy City Media. The show is run by my dear old friend Amy Matheny who is an amazing actor and activist. Listen to us banter. I have to say that I give good radio. Especially when the host is as hot as Amy!
http://new.windycityqueercast.com/shows_details.html?ID=497
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Chelsea Hotel
By Steven Fales | August 7, 2010
I’m staying at the historic Chelsea Hotel where countless writers before me have stayed (and died!). I’m loving the artistic vibe. I’m deflecting any dark vibe. My new play SACRED STRAIN takes place in the Chelsea Hotel so I’m glad to be doing more research. I could write so much more but I need to get back to memorizing. I’m so grateful for all the blessings. And for all the past challenges. I am who I am. But I am not a victim.
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Polygamy, Prostitution, and Equality
By Steven Fales | August 6, 2010
A quick thought. Polygamy is has more to do with prostitution than anything. Polygamy is the patriarchal domination and exploitation of women and young women and younger women. In my experience, this is called pimping. Romanticizing polygamy is a disservice to the quest for true marriage equality. I could elaborate, but I have posters to go put up all around Manhattan for FringeNYC. So glad I gave up being a sex worker. I earned my opinion. I don’t judge polygamy as a choice. I don’t judge polyamory either.
But a committed relationship between two people of any sex that are up for all the rights and responsibilities as consenting adults . . . this is partnership.
I recommend keeping polygamy out of the conversation. Far away.
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Mormon Boy is back in Manhattan!
By Steven Fales | August 4, 2010
So I got in last night. Thanks to Ruben for the United Airlines ticket. I arrived at LaGuardia. My luggage arrived at JFK. Sent the night with friends Ken and Paul in Brighton Beach. They have been my biggest supporters and fans here in NYC. Paul was converted Mormon by missionaries where he grew up in Alabama. He was so moved by Confessions of a Mormon Boy at FringeNYC 2004 that he has given me a ride from the airport every time I’ve flown in. It has saved me hundreds and hundreds of dollars in taxi’s. He and Ken have become some of my dearest friends in the world. I could go on and on.
So I’m acclimating here. Some last minute glitches but I’ll solve them with the help of friends. It’s hard to ask for help!
I just ate at the Olive Garden at Times Square. It’s a ritual. All you can eat soup, salad, and bread sticks. I’ve got to keep my weight up. The pounds melt off in this heat.
But what am I thinking about when I’m not re-memorizing lines? I want to see Bernadette Peters and Elaine Stritch in “A Little Night Music” more than any other show I see. I LOVE them both. The finest musical theatre actresses alive.
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New York Here I Come — FringeNYC 2010
By Steven Fales | August 3, 2010
I’ve been busy with the hustle and bustle of sorting and packing and double checking my lists to make sure I have everything I need to hit New York where the magic of theater is. With all the shows coming to the 2010 New York International Fringe Festival, approximately 220 shows, how do I get the word out and find those people who like my work and want to come and see more. Part of the magic is the miracle that brings us all together. A friend said recently, in almost a God like fashion, “Steven, your people will find you.” New York has been good to me in the past I’m praying for a miracle to happen here, just as it did getting me here. I’m very grateful for the support of friends and strangers who not only helped me but also others to be able to fulfill their dreams. My dreams are certainly being fulfilled this Year at the 14th Annual New York International Fringe Festival. I hope your dreams are too!
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A Few Nice Endorsements
By Steven Fales | August 1, 2010
I’m grateful for the endorsements of Confessions of a Mormon Boy from my friends around the country:
“Steven’s one-man show is a combination of an incredibly emotional and heart-wrenching story, a powerfully written and nuanced script, and a knock-it-out-of-the-ballpark performance. Confronting the ‘demons’ within, and seemingly around him, and ending up such an inspiring example of true self-respect and authenticity left me deeply touched and equally inspired.”
— Judith Light, actress and activist
“Being a gay recovering Southern Baptist, Steven Fales’s tale of his journey to self-acceptance made me want to jump up in the theatre and holler “Amen”! I have seen Confessions of a Mormon Boy several times and have brought friends who were considering doing one-person shows to show them an example of how multi-layered a solo piece like his can be. Mr. Fales is a master at his craft. His work is timely and of utmost importance in these days of religious-based intolerance.”
— Leslie Jordan, My Trip Down the Pink Carpet, Emmy-winner for Will & Grace, Sordid Lives
“My only regret is that I came so late to this experience. It was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful — the best gay coming-of-age, grappling-with-being piece I’ve seen since Dan Butler’s, and you know there have been a thousand of them ever since his. It’s really good. This needs to be filmed.”
— Bruce Vilanch, Comedy Legend
“Steven Fales has captured the essence of the gay soul. The show had to be extended at the Coast Theatre in West Hollywood and was used as a fundraising vehicle for charity. Confessions of a Mormon Boy made me wince with emotional pain of my own coming out, and then laugh joyously at the absurdity of the anxiety I felt.”
— John Duran, Mayor of West Hollywood
“When one can be so moved as to laugh till your jaw hurts, wince with a sorry recognition at the pain distorted religion can inflict, cheer with unashamed abandon at an enviable and inspiring bravery so rarely expressed in the face of certain banishment and ridicule, you know you have had a thrilling and emotionally fulfilling theatrical experience. Bravo, Steven Fales and his Mormon Boy!”
— Lucie Arnaz, Actress/Activist
“Steven is a man of passion and integrity and this radiates out of him as he lives his life as a man of faith. His past experiences, specifically as a Mormon boy, excommunicated just for being honest to who he is, has motivated him to live honestly, using this experience to liberate him and in turn to liberate others. As an ex-Mormon myself, I congratulate Steven for his courage and have no hesitation in recommending him and his story. You won’t regret it!”
— Rev. Neil Thomas, Senior Pastor, Metropolitan Community Church, Los Angeles
“Confessions of a Mormon Boy is a riveting night of theatre. Grounded in the specifics of his own colorful life, it transcends personal revelation by inviting the audience to consider larger issues—the costs of authenticity in a rigid and stratified world. He is a playwright whose work displays great moral courage and daring.”
— Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way
“Steven Fales has taken an archetypal journey through real crucifixion to real resurrection, andhe writes about it with great originality, wit, a searing and poignant nakedness, and a knowledge of redemption that will inspire all who come to his work. He is a writer to watch and to learn from.”
— Andrew Harvey, author of Son of Man and Return of the Mother
“The last time I sat in what is now the SoHo Playhouse was in the late 1960s to see the very first performance of ‘The Boys in the Band.’ Forty years later I sat in almost the same seat to watch the opening night of ‘Confessions of a Mormon Boy’–and the forty years became forty light years. If you are interested in human truth expressed with heartbreaking honesty–and great joy and pride–then you do not want to miss Steven Fales.”
— Doric Wilson, Off-Broadway Director/Producer Legend
“All the accolades for your show are deserved and earned. It’s a great theatre piece. It is smart and wise and funny and sad, and sometimes breathtaking in its honesty and compassion. It is universal in its themes while being particular in its details. The second time I saw ‘Mormon Boy’, I concentrated on the structure of the show and how you achieved the audience’s trust. I was just as impressed as the first time I saw it. Thank you for bringing ‘Mormon Boy’ to Chicago. You have enriched us through your presence and your story. I hope the Windy City treated you well while you were here, and I hope you come back to bring us your next show. I look forward to watching you grow as an artist and as a human.”
— Bill Greaves, Mayor Daley’s liaison to the LGBT Communities in Chicago
“O What A Beautiful Mormon! Steven Fales mines his experience of being raised Mormon for all it’s worth. With lots of laughs and pain, he took me on a roller coaster ride of memories, from the joys of being raised in a warm Salt Lake community with the TRUE church of Jesus Christ, through the nightmare of realizing.. you’re a queer, then too Manhattan! He has quite a story that everyone should hear. By the end it was very life affirming. It’s great theatre. Plus you get to see his sexy body!”
Emmett Foster
Emmett, A One Mormon Show (NY Public Theater), So It’s Come to This (NY Theater Workshop)
“Thank you for your generosity, your kindness, your enthusiasm, your spirit, and your tenacity…You and the show helped us re-energize Diversionary Theatre for our upcoming 20th Anniversary Year…breaking box office records…groups benefited from funds raised through your performances. Your active collaboration and participation in the promotion of the show was a wonder to behold. Your appearances at local bars and clubs, gay bingo, waving to the throngs from our convertible at San Diego Pride and then visiting the Pride Festival–and then greeting and thanking the audience each night after the show–left us marveling at your energy and endurance. You became part of the community and they embraced you. Best wishes for an incredible New York run.”
— Dan Kirsch, Executive Director, Diversionary Theatre
“I view Steven Fales’ skillfully generous, seasoned, and compassionate voice as a tremendously effective tool for advancing human rights. His work is making an extraordinary impact and is an important contribution to the LGBT movement.”
— Frank Matheson, Former Chair, Equality Utah
“Steven Fales’ compelling story is an excellent example of how spiritual abuse is inflicted on gay men and women by religious institutions in the 21st Century. That Fales’s play rises above his hurt, pain, and anger and is generous to the church of his birth is an act of extraordinary humanity. Fales’s courageous play speeks to all who are being marginalized by institutionalized bigotry. His Confessions of a Mormon Boy is an important contribution to the ongoing dialogue about the place of gay men and women in our churches, mosques, and synagogues.”
— Andrew Brewer, Chairman, SoulforceNYC
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The Pespicable Church
By Steven Fales | August 1, 2010
I am Episcopalian, officially. Unofficially I’m a member of Metropolitan Community Church. Between the two of them, I’m getting my eleventh-step needs met, if you know what I mean. One of the most political things I can do as a gay American is to join an affirming congregation and mean it, even a little. And I do mean it. A lot.
The short story of my conversion is this. After I was excommunication I had a few important spiritual experiences that let me know that god knew who I was and that “it” loved me. But I couldn’t pray anymore. Everything came out in old Mormon prayer-speak. So I stopped praying. And I slammed the door on organized religion. And in a way, I slammed the door on god. It was me and my charm and my looks and my intelligence and my talent and my arrogance against the world. Filled with so much resentment and anger and pain and confusion, I descended very quickly. Humanism was not enough. The theatre and all the fine folk there were not enough. I was not enough. I was in trouble.
I did a course called the Landmark Forum that helped shake things up a lot. But this was still secular. And though I feel I had some psychological breakthroughs that appealed to my intellect, and though it started me on a path of transformation, it wasn’t until I found the 12-step movement where I seemed to find “god” in the white space of the twelve steps. It was a huge breakthrough. And I’m still on a path of spiritual progress, not perfection. But to be able to stop binging on crystal for the significant stretches I have in the last seven years. Miraculous. And its continuing to work, one step at a time. Doing numerous advanced courses from Landmark Education (it’s own form of efficient insanity) could not help with my grandiosity (in fact it fuels manic tendencies) or my binging. And it is not designed to at their own admission.
However, my return to organized religion was something I did not expect in a million years. I was performing in San Francisco and met an extraordincary man after the show who I started dating. To my total surprise (and mild detestation) he told me he was Episcopalian. And so on Sundays I’d go with him to Grace Cathedral on Nob Hill. Afterwards we’d go home for one of those delicious naps!
The first time I went it all seemed so grand. I felt so small and was extremely cynical and judgmental. Then my boyfriend got up to get in line for the Eucharist (communion/sacrament) and he wishpered, “Do you want to come?” I looked at him and said, “Who, me?” It had been two years since my excommunication. And I had done such things: prostitution, drugs, etc. He was asking me, a sinner, a homosexual, if I wanted to go up and partake. Did he think I was Mary Magdalene or something? I hesitated, and something deep inside me said, “Yes.” I had been invited. And it wasn’t just my boyfriend inviting me. I heard the call. I was welcome at the Lord’s table. When I knelt at the altar and partook of the bread and wine (I don’t drink the wine now. Luckily it is optional.), I had unknowingly taken my first steps back to god in a religious way. My heart was open. And it would continue to soften.
After my lovely boyfriend and I broke up (I had things to do in New York!), I explored the Episcopal Church again and again. In Cedar City, Utah in a tiny branch where a woman was the priest and where she broke the bread also for our brothers and sisters in Judaism and Islam. Imagine! Then in Miami where I went to an Easter service that was filled with joy! Then to the splendor of St. Bart’s in New York where I met Rev. Gene Robinson where we became friends. In Sag Harbor. In Provincetown. In Dublin. In London. St. John the Divine in New York as well. Even in the midst of Hollywood. And how many 12-step meetings had I attended in Episcopal Churches? And other Churches? (Oh, and I’d dabbled with New Thought Christianity in Portland, OR and Religious Science and Unitarian Universalists and Agape. All great experiences for the most part.)
Then life brought me more permanently to Salt Lake City in the fall of 2007. I had lived here and worked here. But I wanted to base here to be near the kids and create more community. St. Mark’s Episcopal, the Diocese Center and Cathedral of Utah was one block away. Finally I could start seriously investigating the Episcopal Church and take the Inquiry Classes. I loved it. I was able to start replacing the distorted and impossibly works-heavy Mormon Restoration with all it’s shackles and distracting temple ceremonies with a Jesus that could love and accept me and heal me and know me. A simpler and clearer Jesus who could begin even as a metaphor. This has been such a revelation. As an Episcopalian my faith is connected to the ages, but it also extends to a progressive and inclusive future. And I am freeing myself of Mormon-speak. And starting to hear Jesus-speak. MCC has helped me hear Jesus-speak, too.
I joke that at the Episcopal Church I can believe anything and they’ll take anyone! One in the Nicean Creed a woman replaced the pronoun of the Holy Spirit from he to she. I was dumb-founded. But no one came to kick her out! My daughter in her youth said, “Daddy? Do you still go to the pespicable church?” I love that. With as high-church as it is often accused of being, it can appeal to most pespicable of us. And I have to confess, that I sometimes go for the fabulous coffee hour. And also for the Tiffany-stained glass windows. St. Mark’s has a pioneer elegance that just can’t be beat. The oldest continuously in-use church in Utah. 1883. The third-oldest Episcopal Cathedral in America. I’m boasting now. Sorry.
Today I returned after a year away (NYC, LA). I was welcomed back with open arms. I am known somewhere. Not just online. Not at a bar. Not at a 12-step meeting. Not just a the gym. I am known at a church. I was baptized at St. Mark’s Episcopal on Father’s Day 2008. I’ve been a member now for three years and I do not regret my decision. Bishop Carolyn Tanner Irish baptized and confirmed me. She is retiring soon. It was significant that a woman who was from a large Mormon pioneer family, could welcome me back to Christ. In a way, The Mother, Mary, took me by the hand and said, I want to re-introduce you to someone. He happens to be my Son, too. And there Jesus was. A new Jesus. And I was ready to see him for the teacher and healer he is. Perhaps Lord Buddha could be the same for me. But in the Pespicable tradition, if I want to think of them as One, well, I don’t think it would matter too much. But Jesus is much more hot, you have to admit! (No lightning struch as I was writing that.)
There is more I could say about this journey, but I will stop here. I just know that of all the things I am doing to get ready to go to New York City on Tuesday, I had to stop in and take care of my spiritual life. The difference in the reviews when I am filled with ego and when I’m not are night and day. “Worship deflates the ego.” And worshiping myself doesn’t count. That’s why I’m Pespicable.
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Reviews of “Confessions of a Mormon Boy”, Book the show as a fundraiser!
By Steven Fales | August 1, 2010
Here are some quotes pulled from reviews of Confessions of a Mormon Boy around the country. Sure there are people that thought it was the worst piece of screed they’d ever seen. But those reviews usually came with escort ads in the back of the publication! Love the show, hate the show, why don’t you book it as a fundraiser? It’s a little cash cow when it all comes together. Two LGBT-affirming churches are presenting it this fall as a benefit. One in Long Island. The other in Orange County. Coast to coast, the show makes a difference. Join in the “Mormon Boy” movement! And help me start saving up for my kids’ college educations right around the corner! Oh, yeah, and I need a new laptop. Oh, yeah, and I still love performing this show even though I’m on to new ones.
Reviews of Confessions of a Mormon Boy
“Brilliantly acted and beautifully written.”
–Irish Daily News
“An exceptional achievement to rank beside the best of the solo genre.
Wrenchingly honest, hilariously jubilant, and utterly clear-eyed. ”
– Los Angeles Times
“An astonishing generosity of spirit . . . with fierce comedy and sharp intelligence.
He bares his soul . . . feels like a sacred gift.”
– Boston Globe
“An uncommonly powerful, gripping, and very moving piece of theatre.”
– Chicago Tribune
“The story couldn’t be more timely.”
– San Francisco Chronicle
“A masterful story teller and one hell of a writer. Sexy and harrowing. A play that transcends religion, gender, and sexuality.”
– San Francisco Examiner
“Fales is such a perceptive writer. As moving as it is funny.”
– New York Daily News
“Compelling confessional theatre. Fales knows how to sell it.”
– New York Times
“Brokeback Mormon . . . a rare blast of lyricism.”
– Variety
“A quintessentially American once-upon-a-time of sexual identity crisis and selfhood.”
– Village Voice
“A tale about finding redemption in honesty.”
– Atlanta Journal-Constitution
“Steven Fales is a hero.”
–Austin Chronicle
“Breathtaking. Makes you want to say Amen.”
–San Diego Union-Tribune
“An absorbing tale about the universal human search for belonging.
Gay or not, Mormon or not, it is something we can all relate to.”
–Salt Lake Tribune
“The stuff of great theatre”
– Associated Press
“Rare and skillful. A fine writer and actor.”
–Chicago Sun-Times
“A very funny, poignant and surprising story of self-acceptance
and the happiness in finding spiritual connections. Rich in universality.”
–Las Vegas Review-Journal
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Prodigal Dad
By Steven Fales | August 1, 2010
Another poem I wrote about my role and experience as a dad in recovery. For all estranged fathers doing the best they can in the midst of extreme circumstances whether self-created or not.
Prodigal Dad
Salt Lake City, November 2007
I’m weary—
The world has beat me up.
I’m hungry, broke, and cold.
My children now are growing up—
As I am growing old.
To top it off—
I’m tired and sick.
It’s lonely by myself.
I’ve tried to empty out my stuff
And find a dusty shelf.
I had such dreams for all of us
But how to ever tell—
The love I felt for them while in
My long dark night in hell?
But dawn came and I then awoke
And with the coming light
I found the signposts on the road
That helped my life aright.
Mile by mile I stumbled home
To find my wife and kids—
And to my sadness there they were
Nearly on the skids.
And then I realized my job
To help them all I could.
They need a dad.
And here I am.
It’s time now to make good.
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Fatherless Ship
By Steven Fales | August 1, 2010
This is one of many poems I wrote for my children. Being a father is the most important and challenging thing I have ever done. I love it.
Fatherless Ship
Salt Lake City, November 2007
Sometimes I feel like a fatherless ship
Aimlessly lost at sea.
I live in a world of mother-love
But without the love of a he.
I cannot seem to get ahead
No matter where I go—
And when the clouds grow thick and black
The waves me they o’er-throw.
Back in again—me and my crew
Of women wise and bold—
We cling to one another
As we forge against the cold.
The sea is ruthless in its aim
To swallow souls alive—
Without a captain we are doomed
Against the worldly tide.
For in this life of tears and woe
Out on the open sea—
Without the rudder of a dad
I wander endlessly.
Never making it back to port
In the arms of a loving dad—
I yearn and pray to someday know
The love I never had.
Oh, please come back to mom and us
Outstretch your faithful hand
And bring our vessel safely home
Back to the warm, dry sand.
Then we will play and toss a ball
And have the kind of fun
That families have who are intact
Like ours before undone.
There’s none to blame – no debt to pay
Now we are on firm land.
For we are found—our dad and us
This is the sacred plan.
For father brought us treasure troves
He did not us forget.
He simply had to find himself.
Forgiveness happens yet.
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