When I was preforming Mormon American Princess last summer in Provincetown, I attended a special service at the historic Unitarian Universalist Meeting House (which looks quite a lot like the inside of the old Mormon Temple in Kirkland, Ohio built about the same time!). It was the Blessing of the Performers led by Rev. Alison Hyder. The theatre downstairs below the sanctuary has launched Margaret Cho, Hedda Lettuce . . . and gosh, didn’t that Mormon Boy play there once?

We sang hymns like “There’s No Business Like Show Business” and “Everything’s Coming Up Roses”. We read the invocation from The Frogs by Stephen Sondheim. But what I was impressed with was the “Performers’ Litany of Gratitude”. I have adapted it from the program I kept!

PERFORMERS’ LITANY OF GRATITUDE

Leader: Let us come together as performers and producers, as stage crew and writers who love our craft. As we would gain the applause and thanks of those who watch us sing and act, dance and play, so we too, express our gratitude for all that sustains us in our struggles to excel:

Leader: For the great performers whose work first inspired and sparked our dreams:
Performers: We give applause and thanks.

For the composers, classical, layered and profound, who move us with passions beyond words:
We give applause and thanks.

And for the great songwriters: Porter, Sondheim, Cahn and Carmichael, George M. Cohan, Dorothy Fields, and all the lyricists and tunesmiths whose songs create the soundtracks of our lives:
We give applause and thanks.

For teachers and directors, who shape and improve our skills:
We give applause and thanks.

For buskers, mimes, and street musicians, who bring their art to the subways and sidewalks:
We give applause and thanks.

For the diversity of performing art, for dancers, poets, drag artists and comics, for singer-songwriters and classical actors, for musicians, lip-syncers, illusionists and accompanists, emcees, djs, singers and bands:
We give applause and thanks.

And for theaters and performance halls that frame and illuminate our art:
We give applause and thanks.

And for theaters and performance halls that frame and illuminate our art:
We give applause and thanks.

For well-made musical instruments that let us express ourselves:
We give applause and thanks.

For the set and costume creators, lighting technicians, sound engineers, and all the backstage crew: unsung, hardworking, and dedicated to their craft:
We give applause and thanks.

For producers, agents and publicists, for patrons, poster-makers and street hawkers, who get the word out for us:
We give applause and thanks.

For the sunny days when we can flier, and rains that bring the people from the beach:
We give applause and thanks.

For our voices and bodies and creative minds that channel our deepest hopes, for talent and the gifts of persistence, courage, and hope:
We give applause and thanks.

For the sore throats, broken loops and other mishaps that keep us on our toes, for exhaustion and blank minds, and for the adrenaline that give us drive.
We give applause and thanks.

For our comrades and colleagues on stage and off, who support and challenge us to greater heights:
We give applause and thanks.

For Provincetown (or New York City) audiences who come back year after year, and the fans who remember us from “Way back when” and all the fans that spread the word and lift us with their love.
We give applause and thanks.

For being able to communicate the truth through music or motion that we can’t put into words, and express the pain and joy of human life:
We give applause and thanks.

For the opportunity to be our fullest selves, and our great good fortune in the life that we share as Provincetown’s (New York City’s)
performance community, loved and admired, and encouraged for ourselves:
We give applause and thanks.

And always, especially, for the love that flows through us and into the world, and that returns to us in so many ways:
We give applause and thanks.

May 11, 1989

Elder Steven Heard Fales
Las Vegas, NV 89102

Dear Elder Fales:

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Portugal Porto Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 24 months.

You should report to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT, on Wednesday, 16 August 1989. You will learn the discussions in Portuguese.

You have been recommended as one worthy to represent the Lord as a minister of the restored gospel. You will be an official representative of the Church. As such, you will be expected to maintain highest standards of conduct and appearance by keeping the commandments, living mission rules, and following the counsel of your mission president.

You will also be expected to devote all your time and attention to serving the Lord, leaving behind all other personal affairs. As you do these things, the Lord will bl3ess you and you will become an effective advocate and messenger of the truth. We place in you our confidence and pray that the Lord will help you meet your responsibilities.

The Lord will reward the goodness of your life. Greater blessings and more happiness than you have yet experienced await you as you humbly and prayerfully serve the Lord in this labor of love among his children.

We ask that you please send your written acceptance promptly, endorsed by your bishop.

Sincerely,

President Ezra Taft Benson

Here is a video to a popular song called “Conquistador” by a group called Da Vinci that was hot when I was living in Portugal. This song won the Eurovision competition. (That would be like winning American Idol here in the States.) The next clip from my new show Missionary Position where I get “converted” by one of Portugal’s most famous Conquistadors, the explorer Vasco de Gama. (Good thing we believe in baptisms for the dead, huh?) Come celebrate Portugal (and religious global colonization) with me this summer at the New York International Fringe Festival where I’ll be performing. Assume the position yourself!

A scene from Missionary Position! Is this Mission Impossible?

“Fales is at his best in MISSIONARY POSITION. It’s better than CONFESSIONS OF A MORMON BOY. He’s quicksilver as ever. An important piece of theatre that all should see as he continues to shed light on Mormon fundamentalism. When I watched him do the Mormon temple ceremony in the temle garb, I didn’t know whether to laugh or weep. It was so stunning it took my breath away.”

–Leslie Jordan, Emmy Award Winner (Sordid Lives, Will & Grace, My Trip Down the Pink Carpet)

From the creator of the off-Broadway hit, Confessions of a Mormon Boy, comes Steven Fales’ new solo play based on his many adventures as a Mormon missionary in Portugal. Anyone who has ever felt the agony, ecstasy and insanity of turning their will and their life over to a socio-economic, political, tax-exempt, multi-national corporation posing as the Kingdom of God on Earth will appreciate this smart and sexy look at extreme religious devotion.

Celebration Theatre is a company of artists dedicated to creating a dynamic outlet for progressive gay and lesbian voices in contemporary theater and performance in Los Angeles. They intend to create a broader involvement in their community, conduct a rigorous exploration of society’s changing sentiments and values, and share these explorations with a wider audience.