Maybe Brigham Young would have liked Confessions of a Mormon Boy . . .

“Confessions of a Mormon Boy”–Painful and Important

admin ♦ March 11, 2011 ♦ Leave Your Comment

PHX:fringe Opening Weekend: Confessions of a Mormon Boy and Schreibstück

courtesy of Steven Fales

Missionary position: Steven Fales (Confessions of a Mormon Boy) tried hard to keep those good Catholics in Portugal from going to Hell.

​In our world of choreographed flash mobs and revolution-by-Twitter, it may seem odd that an arts festival takes time to grow and develop over the years. But it does. Ideas lead to plans lead to experience leads to word of mouth, which generates new plans and experiences, until something reaches a tipping point of rabid festivity and renowned cool.

PHX:fringe Festival is in its fourth year, and performers from out of state, let alone other nations, are still in a minority. Relatively easy-to-tour solo shows predominate, and I would say too many acts have ASU ties, except that’s often a wonderful thing. (Not always.)

But the schedule is filling out nicely, and the number of participating venues is gradually increasing. Tipping point, here we come.

In its current incarnation, PHX:fringe runs two weekends. At this midpoint between them in the schedule, some shows have already closed (as planned), some open in a few days, and some got their feet wet the first weekend and continue through the second one. It’s a fun little logistical game for the theatergoer, and an intricate yet messy dance for the staff.

On Friday’s official opening night, PHX:fringe producing artistic director Patrick Demers appeared to be giving as many gung-ho curtain speeches as possible. (We didn’t see his Segway in the lobby of the Third Street Theatre, but one would have come in handy.) Before the performance of Steven Fales’ Confessions of a Mormon Boy, he welcomed the crowd, urged us to see more Fringe shows, and guaranteed that some of them will be “mediocre.” Which felt kind of savvy in its candor. (And yes, we’ll explore mediocrity later in the week.)

Although Mormon Boy, finally reaching our Valley, was presented for only two days, Demers hopes that Fales will return to PHX:fringe in subsequent years and share its sequels (of which there are already two) with us, so this mini-review might help you get psyched for your next opportunity. Personally, I am in favor of any trilogy that lets us look at posters like these, and although Fales is no spring chicken any more, he still looks damn good live in underwear.

A true story told by a gay ex-Mormon ex-prostitute ex-addict, Mormon Boy is engaging, rich in detail, and upbeat in theme. Occasionally funny, generally entertaining, and often relate-able, it seems to resonate particularly with its communities: the excommunicated, the currently or previously closeted, loving parents in “alternative” lifestyles — those who’ve tried to live life abundantly and with grace while denying their very identity. I didn’t need to weep and touch Fales’ hand after the show, but having both grown up in Mesa and earned a theater degree, I believe I understand those who did.

If you’re prone to do mental math after someone shares his life story, you might come to the conclusion that Fales had to conflate, compress, substitute, and make some things up to get his message across clearly (with which I have no problem, and for which he more than makes up with blasts of searing honesty, some supported by audio recordings — “Mormons record everything,” says Sales, a former BYU Young Ambassador and choir leader who’s just full of music — of moments that obviously still affect him greatly).

Fales admits in his blog that he’s ready to go on to being more than Mormon Boy. Toward the end of this first of the series’ three parts, he reaches a post-9/11 encounter-group epiphany , facilitated by something that sounds a lot like the Forum (which is fine if it helped him). I’m happy for Sales (as well as grateful, as an audience member who has access to unlimited straight male kvetching) that he’s come to terms with his responsibility for his own choices, rough though the road has been. His Confessions are fascinating, inspiring, and mind-expanding, even without the E and G.

Chris-James of Youth First Texas was my host and tour guide. He treated me A-list for sure. I stayed at the Palamar (Kimpton Hotel) and was fed and fussed over. I had everything I needed to do the show well. And we really pulled off a great show for an audience that laughed and cried. The best part was bringing the youth up to the stage at the curtain call. I had just told my story, but the stories we were really there to celebrate were the youth. I was so moved by the stories as they were told to me after the show.

I auctioned off my set after the show and the copy of the Book of Mormon I use in my show as a prop sold for $1,000.00 and went to a gay Mormon who grew up in Dallas. So cool!

We had a VIP reception at the Renassaince Hotel right afterward.

The next day I was taken to Fort Worth where I got to have lunch at one of the BEST restuarants I’ve been to in a while, Reata’s. The service was incredible. The food, sublime. I love good Tex Mex. This was the real cowboy deal. The jalepeno/cheese grits were sensational.

The last day I was there I gave my FLYING SOLO workshop and catered it to the needs of the youth who attended. All we have to change the world is our story. And each of us has a story. What we do with it us up to each of us. And what kind of story we ultimately have to share . . . one of victimization or one of overcoming and transformation . . . is up to us!

Now to work on the re-writes of WHO’S YOUR DADDY? for the workshop run at the Onyx Theatre in Las Vegas in January. And my new stand-up show WHEN ALL ELSE FALES . . . at the Laurie Beechman Theatre in Manhattan in March! So many stories to tell.

I was disgusted. I was like, “How dare they infect this campus with their politics!” And I’m walking along, looking down at the sidewalk and there were all these purple flyers taped to the concrete. And I’m like, “Ugh!” And I looked down and, “Aagh! I’m wearing a purple turtleneck!” I looked around. Had anyone seen me? I raced home and changed my shirt. But I couldn’t change my colors.

From the book, Confessions of a Mormon Boy: Behind the Scenes of the Off-Broadway Hit (Alyson Books) available on www.amazon.com. A Lambda Literary Award Finalist.

FOCUS GROUPS

Among focus group members, the vast majority found the artwork “titillating” but felt it was not representative of the show they had just seen. Universally the idea of a gay Mormon was a fascinating peek into a private world that would ordinarily be closed off to the population at large and was one aspect of the show’s appeal among most coupled with about half who identified with the struggle of the lead actor and could relate to the show on this level. Most had coming out stories that they felt were parallel and felt very emotional when recalling favorite bits. The journey and the result/reveal was appreciated by all who not only “loved” the show but were willing to recommend it but only to certain groups of people – despite claiming it was a show for all. Everyone thought Steven was very appealing and “hot” – was most definitely a draw. Interestingly, the composition of the group ran straight couples, gay couples, single gay men, single straight women, Mormons that were gay, straight (in some cases questionable) but all felt this was an “over coffee” discussion piece about the anguish suffered by certain groups of people.

PRIOR KNOWLEDGE AND SOURCES OF INFORMATION

Prior to attending, audience members primarily had heard about the show through reviews and/or positive word of mouth, with slightly fewer also aware of plotline. To this latter point, some expanded that the show is a “one man” show, and delves into religious themes and/or homosexuality. A few also mentioned they had seen posters/publicity about the show and/or surfed the website.

On a prompted basis, word of mouth from a friend or relative emerged as the top source of information about the show, mentioned by 32% of the total audience (rising to 51% of females).

FACTORS MOTIVATING ATTENDANCE

The gay themes (skewed considerably male) and an affinity for Off-Broadway shows (again topped by males) surfaced as the primary draw, mentioned by half of audience members overall. At least three-in-ten overall pinpointed good reviews, a recommendation from a friend or family member (somewhat more influential for females), liking what they heard about the story and/or a penchant for shows that “tell a true story” (skewed somewhat male). Of lesser importance were the promise of a sexy show (21%, skewed markedly male) or interesting advertising (again topped by males).

REACTION TO THE SHOW

About half of those surveyed awarded Confessions of a Mormon Boy an “excellent” rating, with males most avid in this regard (56%). Additionally, another 34% rated it “very good”, shoring up “total highly favorable” ratings (“excellent plus “very good”) to a strong 86% (rising to 91% of males).

Slightly under two-thirds of the audience-at-large audience members (63%) conveyed a willingness to “definitely” recommend the show to others and in line with “excellent” ratings, topped by males (69%). Another 27% volunteered that they would “probably” recommend the show to others (tipping somewhat to females), combining for a strong 90% “total positive” recommendation.

About three-quarters felt the show exceeded their expectations, with males somewhat more apt to this sentiment (78%) than females (72%). Or the remainder, nearly all (22%) felt the show met their expectations.

KEY TAKEAWAYS/CONSIDERATIONS FOR MOVING FORWARD

While viewed primarily as a gay show, it is important to note that a full third of the audience was women – with the majority coming with friends. In a related vein, advertising materials can be both male and female friendly and should clearly convey the show as one with strong story, very relatable and importantly, one that touches you emotionally.

Thought might be given to highlighting quotes that play up these aspects of the show.

In terms of the portrayal/positioning of Steven, thought might be given to highlighting him as the Mormon family man who hid a whole closetful of secrets – including a descent into . . .  This promises good story, offers audiences his raw appeal and solidifies it as a thought-provoking and timely night out at the theater.

If you would like to be part of the solution to ending Child Trafficking, consider looking at this Web site: http://www.SCTNow.org.

And consider that every adult sex worker has a story and was once a child. I believe we need to examine the relationship between the gay sex work scene and the exploitation of women and children around the world. Gay sex work is related to misogyny in my opinion. It doesn’t take a sociologist to see that. Just a recovering hooker. I take that back. I am a RECOVERED hooker. One day at a time and by the grace of G-d (or however you want to spell the Quantum Field!) for nearly nine years. I’m not bragging. I’m just saying that so much of my life has progressed because I was able to leave it behind. And I want to help anyone understand that you can achieve so much. If you got sucked into sex work (or even chose it!), “You are nothing you have every done!” (Confessions of a Mormon Boy) How can I help? How can we help each other instead of exploiting one another?

By the way, gays are not pedophiles.

When and how did you tell your children you are gay?

First of all we need to clarify something. I am technically bisexual. I was able to impregnate a woman twice (the old fashioned way!) in order to sire two adorable children. (And the sex was not horrible. It was at the very least sweet and nice.) Guys, I’m a breeder. But for all intents and purposes, I consider myself gay. (Though I’m beginning to resent and resist labels more and more.) I’m no longer looking for a female partner, and am allowing myself the opportunity to find a mate of the same sex, since I wasn’t allowed to date men as I’d wanted back in my BYU days. I’ve given my primary sexual orientation permission to breathe. I don’t suppress it anymore. My true predilections and proclivities have come out to stay. What all the bogus Reparative Therapy taught me was to start accepting myself the way God made me. To go against my nature is actually open rebellion against God and Her creation. But I still wouldn’t trade the experience of marriage to Emily or my children for anything in the world.

Many of us in the queer world had biological children this way—including my friend Rev. Bishop Gene Robinson—the first openly gay elected and consecrated Episcopal Bishop. I recently spent the weekend at his home in New Hampshire while doing my show in nearby Boston. I loved learning about his 18-year relationship with Mark and how they helped raise Gene’s two daughters from his previous mixed-orientation marriage. They proudly display pictures of their grandchildren all over the house. There are so many of us gay parents out there. We are not alone.

My children were five and three when we got divorced. Telling them we were getting divorced was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Emily and I decided that we would wait a few years later to tell them why we divorced. It seemed like every day our son would ask impatiently, “When are you going to tell me?” We’d put him off by saying, “Mommy and daddy got married for big adult reasons. Someday we will tell you. But right now your job is to go to school, have fun and play, and know that the divorce was not your fault.”

So a few months after our son turned eight and our daughter was six, Em and I sat them down and told them together. (We didn’t want one to know and not the other. Plus, my show was soon going to play Off-Broadway, and we didn’t want them to hear it from the media and their friends first. Kids find out!) I felt strongly that since I was the gay parent, I should tell them.

It was important to both of us that they be told in an age-appropriate way. A few months before, we started to warm them up and introduce them to what “gay” was. They had seen a few episodes of “Will and Grace” (What a great educational tool—sort of!), and I believe by this time they had heard that their Grandpa Gerald was gay. We tried to keep any graphic details of gay sex far from their imaginations. They had, however, been told the fundamentals about the straight birds and bees.

So when the appointed day came, I tried to keep it very simple and explained, “Usually men and women are together. But sometimes ‘men and men’ are together and ‘women and women’ are together. And Daddy does best when it’s ‘men and men’ together. Daddy is gay.”

It was important to use the word “usually” instead of “normally” because I didn’t want them to think it was ab-normal to be gay, because it certainly occurs naturally. So I felt good that we didn’t try to imply that anything was wrong.
My son still took it hard – he ran outside and climbed up into a tree. (He often needs time alone to process things.) I came out and talked with him. I think it was so upsetting because my being gay dashed his hopes of his parents ever getting back together. Daddy being gay meant the divorce was final. I was afraid my young straight son would reject me. But within a few hours I heard him volunteer how much he loved me. I was so relieved. I believe any issues my son and I face are not about my gayness but the quality of my parenting.

There was a time when my own family suggested that Emily change the children’s last names when I came out. But Emily balked, and (Thank God!) has never once tried to keep the children from me—even when she was active in the Church. (It certainly was a blessing that she loved her gay father.) I am grateful she has been enthusiastic that I spend time with them. And it hasn’t always been easy as I am on the road more than I would like to be. (How can I do a play about being a gay dad and be away so much?)

My daughter has been nothing but supportive. When I told the kids later that I was excommunicated for being gay (and wouldn’t be able to baptize them like most straight Mormon dads) she retorted, “That’s stupid!”

So, this month of June, Happy Father’s Day (and Mother’s Day) along with Happy Gay Pride. (“Go, www.Gamofites.org!”) The greatest gift I have is my children and the privilege and honor of being their father. I have come to believe that I am as worthy to be a dad as any straight man. And I’m just as good as any father out there. Em certainly holds the fort down, but I pay my child support and do everything I can to look after them—from braces to piano lessons, family vacations to family reunions, holidays to sick days.  The prayers of gay parents are certainly heard and answered. I think more gays should have children. They should adopt (or otherwise!). Because gays make some of the very best parents on earth. We are natural-born nurturers. And having children gets us outside of ourselves. And let’s face it, our community gets very self-absorbed. (Consider who’s writing this column!)

I was recently asked to go on my son’s second Scout overnighter. I’m the proud father of a First Class Scout! I was able to hang with all the Mormon leaders and dads of the other scouts and not feel too different. Because when it comes to being parents, we are all the same. (And I don’t know a single gay man out there who is a pedophile. I’ve just never met one yet!). I can camp with the best of them. And my son’s troop will tell you that he makes the best gourmet tin-foil dinners on earth. (He uses my recipe. Afterall, I am a gay Eagle Scout!)

My son also knows more Broadway musicals and Shakespeare plots than any of his friends. But I also do my best to encourage him to do all those “boy” things that I wasn’t always as enthusiastic to do at his age. I marvel at my son’s natural abilities and aptitudes towards sports, playing video games, riding skateboards, science projects, etc. My dad taught me how to do many butch things, but unlike me, my son takes to them like a duck to water. If it weren’t for my son, I would never go see live Jazz Games or watch the Rose Bowl. I’ve actually enjoyed it! And my son does his best to humor me when I take him and his sister to Ballet West each season.

And being a father to a daughter . . . well, let’s just say that no father in Zion finds the kind of sales on girls’ dresses at Bloomingdale’s that I do!

Steven Fales is a self-proclaimed gay Everyman. He is the playwright/performer of Confessions of a Mormon Boy playing in Provincetown, MA June 21 thru July 1. For more information go to www.mormonboy.com.