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The Climax of MISSIONARY POSITION
By Steven Fales | July 24, 2010
My new solo play MISSIONARY POSITION builds to this final fantasy sequence. It is a dramatic showdown between my younger self who’s about to go on a Mormon mission and me today. I hope you will get to see the entire play at the New York International Fringe Festival this summer. I will be doing it in Salt Lake City the end of September.
Scene from MISISONARY POSITION:
One by one I was reunited with my family members as they came through the veil. They embraced and congratulated me with tears of joy and thanksgiving. “Families are Forever.” And the look in their eyes said, “Are you okay? Do you buy this? It’s alright. We don’t get it either. But our pioneer ancestors seemed to. Now let’s get out of these temple duds and go get some grub down in the cafeteria!” As the others went down to partake of the Mormon banquet, I had this overwhelming urge . . . to save myself.
(Lights change for fantasy sequence as he puts takes off his temple clothes and puts on his jeans to Mission Impossible music.)
I raced back in time, and ran through the automatic sliding doors of the Temple in my New Religion jeans. Passing the Mormon Oompa Loompas, I ran through the large and spacious building and up all the escalators, until I found my younger self in the Celestial Room standing like a deer caught in God’s headlights. I started ripping off his temple clothes.
Younger: “Who the heck are you?”
Older: “I’m Steven Fales and I’m here to rescue you.”
Younger: “But I’m Steven Fales.”
Older: “They’re about to make you Elder Fales if you’re not careful. Now take this crap off. This isn’t God. Or true Christianity. It’s all about the ego of Joseph Smith – a bipolar megalomaniac who stole all of this hocus-pocus from the Free Masons. And who got himself shot to death because he wouldn’t stop fucking his followers and calling them his wives. Now let’s get out of here!”
Younger: “But I don’t understand.”
Older: “I’m you, only older. I’ve come to save your nineteen-year-old ass from all this bullshit!”
Younger: “Okay. Fine. But you don’t have to swear!”
Just as we were about to run out the automatic sliding doors of the temple, my younger self stopped me.
Younger: “Wait! I can’t go.”
Older: “What do you mean you can’t go? You saw what’s going on in there. They’re taking you for a ride. It’s dangerous in there. Come on. We’re going back to Boston.”
Younger: “No. It’s safe in here. I don’t trust Boston. I don’t trust you.”
Older: “Look, I’ve been through all this and much more. Those chandeliers and mirrors in there, they’re not God.”
Younger: “And neither is rolling on ecstasy under a mirrored disco ball at seven a.m. I’ve heard about you and your kind–from the prophet. All your drugs. And sex parties. And all the other proclivities and viruses you people have. Your fabulous life’s a mess. You have nothing I want.”
Older: “I don’t do that anymore. (Looks at audience.) Now listen here, Steven. I know what I’m talking about.”
Younger: “Yes. You do like to talk don’t you? They warned me about you. What happens when we forsake the Truth. When we sell our signs and tokens for money! You’re just a fledgling secular humanist playwright desperately trying to make sense out of all the wreckage of your past and pay your child support. You turned your back on God and look what’s become of you. Oh, the show poster of you is so cute. Blasphemer!”
Older: “I didn’t turn my back on God. God turned his back on me!”
Younger: “And you replaced him with the divinity you call yourself! Let me tell you something, Elder Fales. You. Are. Not. God. You’re not God!” (Pause) I’m staying. All our family’s here. Plus I’m hungry.”
Older: “I didn’t leave. They kicked me out.”
Younger: “Oh, be honest. You left long before that. And you left me.”
Older: “I’m sorry. But I’ve come back.”
Younger: “I’m staying. I’m going on a mission. I want the blessings.”
Older: “You’re coming with me. I’m twenty years older than you and I’m the playwright, remember?”
Younger: “I’m not going. I’m not gay like you. I want a family. You know the Church is true, Elder.
Older: “No. It’s not.”
Younger: “Then please leave the temple. Now.”
Older: “That jolly green apron won’t make you straight.”
Younger: “GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!”
I walked out the doors of the temple; and watched myself go back inside . . .
Fuck.
Topics: Steven Fales | 2 Comments »
July 25th, 2010 at 5:13 pm
I cannot wait to see it in NYC…my brother Kevin and my friend John are coming..we LOVE you..saw the first one and thought it was mindblowing…and afterwards you were so nice to us..chatting and passing out brownies..or cookies, I forget…but cannot wait to see it…Funny, sad, WOW…can’t wait…g
July 26th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
Honest dialogue there. I like that you were not able to convince your younger self. None of us could, even if we had the chance.
The only way we can learn our lessons is by living them. Sometimes that pain is unbearable and we wish we could go back and stop us before we made the mistakes.
But if we did that, we would not be who we are today. It is the journey… ALL of the journey that defines us.
I salute both the older and the younger Fales. They both sound honest to themselves.
– blaine s.