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Desperado/If These Walls Could Speak
By Steven Fales | July 22, 2010
I’ll be singing “Desperado” as part of a medley toward the end of my cabaret act. We build to this point in the show where all our facades and all our bravado melts away and we are left vulnerable as we face the fact that each of us has something to say we’re sorry for. And each of us must return home to do that. We need each other.
My step-mother, Mardi, died last night. And this morning I am starting to feel the profound sadness of losing someone who was a significant part of my life. But it’s feeling how much my father loved and served her. And how much she loved and served my dad. I can surely see so much that I wish had not been there. But who am I to judge. She was my father’s choice. And they gave each other the best they could. Of this I have no doubt. Second marriages and blended families are not easy. But there was so much sweetness there. I see Mardi out at the barn feeding my father’s horses. She loved my dad. All these little things she would do for him. And so much more.
My father re-married when I was eighteen, a year after his divorce. Mardi was very kind to me. We locked antlers on several occasions, but we both reciprocated kindnesses. I will not go into great detail. One thing I did for her was go with her to her son’s grave and listen to her tell about how much she missed him. She was bereft after his accident. She never recovered from her grief. And she was so supportive of me on my mission. I have so many cards and letters from her. And she was so sweet and loving to my children. They called her “Nana”. My prayers are with my father and with Mardi’s three surviving children and her family, especially her sister Julie.
So much death lately. Both my grandpa’s died in the last two years. My cousin killed himself. My step-mom died so young. Oh, Lord, please do not take anyone else right now. Everyone just stay right where you are.
Desperado.
Oh, you ain’t getting no younger.
Your pain and your hunger they’re driving you home.
And freedom, O, freedom.
Well that’s just some people talking.
Your prison is walkin’ through this world all alone.
They would tell you that I owe you
More than I could ever pay.
Here’s someone who really loves you.
Don’t ever go away.
That’s what these walls would say.
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